Compare, and Beware!

Are you comparing your ‘behind-the-scences’ to everyone else’s ‘highlight-reels’?

“I don’t feel jealous of other people enough…I should probably go on Facebook and compare how crap my life is to others”

“You know what? I’m so confident in who I am, I really need a reality check: better log in to social media and find out where I’m going wrong in life and failing at miserably.”

“I love comparing myself to others: it motivates me to be better than them. I’m going to make sure the world knows I have a bigger and nicer house, a well-earning occupation and a damn-attention-grabbing body”

Sound familiar?

No?

So, why are you so addicted to this culture online then?

Surely we aren’t all this masochistic?

Are we?

 

Don’t get me wrong, communication via Facebook and/or other social media sites are great- it provides a platform for me to constantly be connected with friends and the happenings of the world; however have you ever noticed how everyone is always having such an awesome time?

Like, here I am, sitting here at the computer (it’s a gorgeously sunny day outside, a light breeze blows tantalizingly at my window- beckoning me to experience the world beyond my bedroom coupe) and I’m mindlessly scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed, when it hits me: Boy, am I really that much of a boring person?

The problem is you see, is that we are inundated with everyone’s so called ‘highlight reels’ on Facebook: each only posting images and comments that they are most proud or passionate about. Photos with 20 people tagged in them, all dolled up ad beautified for a night out on the town, footed by the caption “Just a casual Friday night”. Whilst I didn’t realise it at the time, I immediately felt isolated and unusual. A casual Friday night? Looking gorgeous at some exclusive club sipping multi-coloured liqueurs, waited on by well-dressed club staff was a casual Friday night?! For me, a casual Friday night is nothing better than lounging in my most comfortably outfit at home with some Thai food, a movie and my family….oh, and Facebook- have to keep up with the world after all! The point is, social media encourages us to create a separate online persona- one which is often ‘idealised’ and falsified. We create ‘highlight reels’ of our life in an attempt to compete with the rest of the world: this is what I’m doing; this is why it’s more important; I am a good person because I’m doing this; Look where I have been- I’m so cultured and well-travelled…the list goes on and on. We may deny it, but essentially social media is helping to propagate narcissistic ideology:   encouraging shameless self-promotion and creating a ‘stage’ upon which we are all performers, and it is up to our social media interactions and activity that determine our ‘performance’. Thus it is easy to see how this has manifested in youth’s as eating disorders, depression and anxiety. We are continuously comparing ourselves; the bulk of our lives to everyone’s glamorous ‘highlight reels’ and led to believe that we are somehow dysfunctional, less-than-par, inadequate. Beautiful, often photo-shopped images flood the adolescent newsfeed, girls are falling victims to their own sexual objectification. There is an unspoken competition between the female adolescent population to obtain ‘more likes’ and flattering comments on their photos of their ‘selfies’ or uploaded images. To the developing young mind then, it is no wonder we are seeing an increase in eating disorders. Girls and boys alike are being exposed to idealised, unrealistic and unattainable images of so-called ‘perfection’; teenagers no longer have to deal with the usual social pressures in school/ social hierarchies etc, but now have to also try and keep up with the demands placed on them by social media. The online culture thus supports the thinking that if you do not fit the ‘ideal’ or ‘photo-shopped perfect’ then you do not belong;-you are not desirable or attractive.

By only ever seeing everyone’s highlight reels, we become disillusioned with our own lives. Nothing is ever good enough- because someone always has it better; “the grass is always greener” Right? It’s a new American Dream; but this time played on a global, online scale. There is a constant psychological battle that takes place within the susceptible developing adolescent mind: a fight between the search for identity and the concept of self: and that of comparison with the online community as a barometer of ‘normality’. The problem is: the ‘normality’ they are comparing themselves to, is far from normal: its glorified, beautified and quite often- falsified. This continual comparison is not necessarily done consciously either; we do it without thinking, and is heightened in already insecure adolescents driving them to believe that their life, their body image, their personality and relationships are inadequate, sub-par and lacklustre. If for every achievement, or event you experienced you found out that there was someone else who was better, or made to believe that the majority of people are constantly vivacious, happy and active: you too would feel pretty dull. It is not necessarily dependent on how ‘strong willed’ or minded you are either: as long as you are on social media and interacting with others, it is inevitable (and human nature) that we will try and draw comparisons between our life and someone else’s. This comparison culture is creating a breeding ground for insecurity- especially in adolescents. It’s no wonder then, that depression rates are on the rise. It’s the American Dream all over again- happiness is only transient online, until you discover there is something better out there- others are better off, more happy and more ‘perfect’.

Thus, we are faced with a tyranny of worries when uploading pictures or posting comments on social media; particularly for adolescents who are seeking validation or approval.

Will my photo be liked? Am I pretty enough in this image? What if someone says something ‘funny’ about the picture? I hope no one tags me in that picture Sarah uploaded- I look hideous. Should I post that funny joke I heard this morning? Others might not find it as funny, maybe no one will comment back-will that mean I’m annoying and unpopular?

Still think social media and anxiety are not linked in the adolescent population?

In the instant we log in- BAM! A million and one reasons why you aren’t good enough! Think about how many times you may have felt guilty after seeing someone’s ‘Fitspiration” Instagram pictures, or Gym progress shots. We compare inevitably; because it’s what we are programmed to do. And it’s made worse because social media provides us with an addictive catalogue of people to compare ourselves to.  Now put yourselves in the shoes of an adolescent or young adult, looking for ways to validate themselves, and understanding who they are and how they fit into the world: how on Earth are they supposed to compete with the idealised onslaught of glory on social media?

Enter stage left: Depression, Anxiety, Eating Disorders- ahh heck; bring the whole load on stage!

 

Comparison creates this destructive cycle; whereby we assure ourselves that “at least I’m not like him/her” and at the same time wallow in misery because “we can never be as incredible and attractive/popular as him/her”. This sort of polarised, judgemental thinking establishes a breeding ground for insecurity, distrust, and superficiality in the developing adolescent character. When instead: we should encourage comparison only with who we once were, and who we are now. This promotes self-reflection, growth and psycho-emotional maturation; as opposed to self-loathing, perfectionism and discontent.

So something needs to be done for the current and upcoming generation of young people if we wish to avoid an even greater explosion of mental health problems than we are experiencing already now. The quick fix? Delay social media participation. The reality? Not a chance, Mum. We need to educate and equip youth with the tools necessary to deal with, cope and recognise the dangers and pressures of social media. Bullying and social pressure is not confined to the schoolyard anymore folks, there’s a whole world online dedicated to it, and its disguised as a benign communication platform. Encourage ‘healthy’ online habits: ‘add’ only your closest friends, surround yourself with positive people, remove those you find make you miserable (be it intentionally or indirectly), and limit your online involvement per day. Sometimes, dare I say, the day outside beckons actual face-to-face engagement, and perhaps we can hope to grow more as individuals if we try and increase personal interaction as opposed to damaging and destructive online comparison cycles of thinking.

Someone has a bigger, nicer house, a better job, a better wardrobe, a better body. They had a way better holiday than I did, I didn’t go to all the places they did, they looked like they had so much fun. Gosh, I wish I was as amazing as Jane Do and go volunteering in an exotic location; I did nothing but work in a humdrum job all uni-break. He has a nicer car, a hot girlfriend, and way more money than I do- he must be so happy.

 

“We struggle with insecurity because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” – Steven Furtick

What do you think? Is Social media creating a compare-focussed culture? Do the psychological detriments outweigh the social benefits?

Does an adolescent’s chance of depression/anxiety/eating disorders depend on their pre-existing personality and other risk factors – if so, what are the potential predisposing factors? Perfectionism? Insecurity? Isolation?